“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”

Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens

Dreams. They’re the stuff that coaching clients are made of. Everyone who comes to coaching has a dream yet to be realized...a dream of who they want to be, a dream of what they want their life to be about, a dream of where they want to live, work they want to do, experiences they want to have. But once the vision’s been articulated, the dream boards collaged, the excited feelings felt, a surprising part of the process is often this realization: just as there’s “no such thing as a free lunch,” there’s “no such thing as a free dream.”

There’s almost always a trade-off, as realizing a dream means letting go of the current reality to invite in and create another. Back when I was in the throes of my corporate angst, I hatched a dream of a different kind of life...one where I called my own shots, where I could zip out to the grocery store at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday and come home to work I loved and that felt meaningful and impactful. I’m happy to say that, in large part, I’ve realized that particular dream, but it didn’t come without its trade offs. A lot of those trade-offs were financially oriented, as what I was going after was flexibility, and to me, having less of a financial burden meant I could feel free to pursue work that, at least at the outset, didn’t have to pay the six-figure income I was leaving. I traded things like:

1. The satisfaction of driving a shiny, newer car for driving older cars that I could pay cash for and not be burdened by monthly car payments.
   

2. Brand spankin’ new clothes from the mall for a wardrobe that now mostly comes from consignment shops that carry the higher-quality brands I like but at drastically lower prices than I used to pay.
   

3. Dining out for dining in much more of the time.
   

4. Expensive wine for less expensive wine.
   

5. Spontaneous spending for planned spending.
   

There were, however, and still are things in my life that I won’t trade...non-negotiables that are directly related to how I honor and live out many of my most important personal values. Some things I very intentionally have chosen not to trade are:

1. Quality food for my family...often higher priced local, organic vegetables, meat and fruit.
   

2. Quality food for our pets.
   

3. Higher-end jeans (because really, it’s next to impossible for me to find less expensive jeans that fit and that I love and will wear and wear and wear)!
   

4. Taking long vacations (we don’t go often, but when we go, we GO).
   

5. Living in a physical environment that inspires me and enables me to grow my own food and connect easily with Nature.
   

So the work becomes about teasing out what it is in your current life that you’d be willing to trade for your dream. What’s worth sacrificing so you can create what you’re dreaming of? What could you let go of, even if it was a little hard to do, that you know would be worth releasing for the sake of greater fulfillment?

Now, I’m not gonna lie. Some of those trade-offs above? They weren’t easy. Old habits, after all, die hard! I mean, WOW was it hard to stop buying “nice” clothes as often as I used to and from the places I used to, especially since I have a relatively strong value around Beauty, and clothes, to me, are often a way for me to express that value. But in trading that aspect of my life, I’ve been able to invite in my values of Creativity and Adventure in terms of where and how I find my clothes. And you know what? I haven’t actually had to sacrifice as much of the Beauty value as I anticipated (since I can find fabulous clothes at good consignment stores), and I’ve been able to create Beauty in my life in other ways. I will say, it took a good six months+ to stop feeling the strong pull of some of those old habits, but here’s the trick:

When you create a compelling enough vision for yourself and your life, when that vision comes from your heart and soul and gut and spirit and values, and when you allow yourself to feel forward into what that will be like, then steadfastness and determination in pursuit of that vision become second nature, and your ability to deal with fear and self-sabotaging thoughts increases simultaneously. The trade-offs that felt so hard to make become non-events eventually, replaced by deeper fulfillment and much more joy!

In thinking of it that way, the question almost becomes, “what wouldn’t you trade?!”

So, if you’re willing, here’s a little experiment:

1. 1)First, answer this: What dream are you incubating that hasn’t hatched yet for fear of the trade-offs it might require? Really visualize it. What is that dream? What will it look like? What will it feel like once it’s realized? What will it bring to your life and, if it’s relevant, the lives of others?
   

2. 2)Second, just for kicks, pull out a piece of paper and write down the trade-offs you think you’d need to make in order to realize that dream.
   

3. 3)Now, step back and really examine those anticipated trade-offs. Can you be sure all of them are true? Do you absolutely know that it’s not possible to have that dream without trading each item? (Often, our gremlins will have us believe that there are a LOT more mountainous, could-never-imagine-actually-making-them trade-offs than there might actually be. It’s worth checking out.) Cross off the ones that feel like they’re gremlin-induced. They don’t count!
   

4. 4)With the trade-offs that are left, go one by one and ask yourself if your ultimate fulfillment is worth more than the thing you’d need to trade. If you have any for which you answer “no,” then for each of those ask, “what am I making more important than my own fulfillment?” and “what’s the impact of that?”
   

5. 5)Once you’ve got your list of things you’d be willing to trade, then ask this one last question: “So, what’s stopping me?”
   

6. 6)And then...go for it. :)